Hohoemi
by Mink
Summary: A short Haru POV about Yuki... but more to the extent of Tohru. Slightly OOC?


**Hohoemi**  
by Emily K. (mink249@aol.com) 

Fruits Basket is (c) 2000, Takaya Natsuki. "Hohoemi" is (c) 2001, Emily K. (mink249@aol.com) Do not repost elsewhere without permission. 

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Love and hate. 

She and I, we're both the opposites. 

She is incapable of hate, and I hate too many people to balance the love I have. 

I first heard her from you, when we spoke... not long before I met her. You said that she knew about the curse; that she knew about all of us and our secret. You didn't know when you told me, but I was enraged. My B-Haru form could have taken over my life for well over three days if I didn't control my own hate. 

You and Shigure and Kyou -- all of you had made the mistake. You had allowed someone to get too close, and you had learned to love her. What surprised me more was that Akito let her be; he didn't erase her memory. When I learned that, I was half-glad -- you wouldn't be put through painful memories of loss again. 

But... I was wrong. You did become happy, but _I_ went through the pain. What if she was a danger to us all? What if it slipped out of her mouth, and the world knew of us? Then we'd have to erase everyone's memories, and you'd swallow the pain and guilt that you felt by letting her in your life, and you'd be left to drown in your own sorrow without anyone to help you out. 

What if you were in danger? What if she hurt you, threatened you, and even blackmailed you about the curse? It wasn't "okay" to have a normal human know our curse. But everyone trusted her, except me. 

And then, I met her. She was warm and caring; the last person I'd expect to blackmail us. She probably doesn't even know the meaning of the word. So cheerful and happy, too pure and too innocent. 

I thought it'd make me happier that you were safe, but I realized it didn't. I became even more worried and sick behind this facade I put up. 

She made you smile. 

A lot. 

You laughed, too. She made you laugh and you seemed happy. She had even made you and that bakaneko get along well, too -- she didn't consider it that, but your relationship had improved. 

I should have been happy that you were leading a better life; that there was no risk of the Souma secret being blabbed to the world. 

But I learned to hate this girl even more. Because when I had once thought I would lose you to sorrow because of this girl, I knew that it wasn't that I was going to lose you to. 

It was love. 

And love is a power that cannot be fought. Sometimes, situations happen when love can break down... but I don't have the strength or power. 

I don't have the will to destroy that affection of yours. 

Because I love you too much to inflict pain upon your life, when you have already tasted pain enough. I wish I hated you too, so that hurting you by ending that affection you had would be easier on me. 

But it doesn't work that way, does it? 

I saw it in your eyes already. They were already lit with laughter and happiness every time you were around her. They were never like that around me... there have been a few occasions, but that's all. It's never _always_ with me. 

I couldn't make you smile or laugh as often. 

And she -- she brought you out of whatever pain you had. 

I was never capable of doing that so quickly. 

So when she tried to get close to me, I pushed her away. I didn't want to know her. She had to remain a stranger in my life; then I could continue hating her. It wouldn't hurt to hate her, then, because I wouldn't know her. In my dreams, I could hurt her all I wanted to because she took you away from me. 

Eventually, she broke down my walls. 

Is that what she did to you? 

And instead of having the dreams where I would hurt her in my dreams, they would become nightmares. I, the fallen angel, was hurting one of the heaven sent -- I was jealous, because I couldn't belong up there with her, in that ring of purity and innocence. I am tainted and know too much about pain; she knows too little. 

I couldn't hate her anymore. I couldn't push her away, either. She was the enemy that I couldn't hate; the enemy I couldn't fight. She would conquer over me without knowing it, and I would be helpless. 

Even more so, she doesn't hate me. I hated her -- but the fact that she felt no feelings of animosity towards _anyone_ was a marvel to me. She doesn't even see that you love her so much; she's blind to it all. If she knew, she'd be concerned more about if I was hurt. That's her nature. 

I wish she'd hate me, so hating her could be easier. 

You love her. I could tell, even though you denied any feelings. You'd smile at her a lot -- more than you smile at me. You're tender with her; looking out for her. She's always the one that's always on your mind. 

And yet... even with this knowledge, I fought the idea that I would lose you, and continued believing. 

Helpless, you may say. Pitiful. Pathetic. 

But maybe living in oblivion is better. She's so naive; oblivious to the world, and she leads a happy life. If I led mine in oblivion too, maybe I could have just a tiny fragment of that happiness. 

So, Yuki. 

Just smile at me a little more, just a little bit. 

Then maybe... I can cram that bit of happiness that I receive from your smiles into my heart... 

... and live in foolish hope. 

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End file.
